I can’t remember the last time I updated this blog. I assume that the last post dealt with many of the unresolved feelings of grief and sadness that have followed me since the loss of my Dad. Or maybe my feeling of lack of control since I lost my job in 2011. Perhaps even the feeling of being lost in a sea of incredibly successful people that surround me on Facebook and in real life.
I imagine that I’ve written about all of those at one point or another. I imagine that at times, this blog has been a pity party for 1 and not representative of the person that my parents worked so hard to raise. I imagine that it looks pretty far from how I feel on a daily basis now.
Back in August, just a few days shy of my 29th birthday, I attended a unit meeting for my Mary Kay consultant. I had just come back from a whirlwind, emotionally, physically and financially draining jaunt from MI to FL to NC back to MI again and was exhausted. I also had no ability to say no and was hoping that if I did this one thing, she would leave me alone and in peace.
So I go to the meeting and I was blown away by how kind the women were to one another. When I worked for a medical group in Atlanta, run by women, it was so hostile and unpleasant that I still withdraw during social interactions with women. But these women at this unit meeting for Mary Kay? Supportive, kind, empowering, and welcoming. I didn’t know it yet but I was going to sign my contract that night.
For an hour after the meeting, Stephanie and I chatted about the Mary Kay opportunity. For those of you ladies who are consultants, I am very much a C and an S so I wasn’t going to sign without some cajoling and certainly not without dotting my Is and crossing my Ts. She assured me that despite my introvert nature, my lack of Michigan contacts and any other excuse that I came up with that night, I could and would be successful. So before fear could take over and drive me home without making a change in my static life, I signed.
Don’t get me wrong, fear did eventually find me. It’s found me many times since that life changing night in August. It found me when I told my wonderful, understanding and supportive husband what I did. It found me when I was trying to plan my Pink Party (a business debut) and people weren’t responding. It found me when I felt like I was bothering the women on the other end of the phone despite having something to offer them. It finds me when I hold parties and it finds me when I meet inspiring and intimidating women that I want on my team. Women that I am terrified are going to think less of me because I sell Mary Kay.
When fear starts to get in the way of my dreams, I start to remember that this was my first chance at being brave on my own. This was my first decision after becoming a mother that would really positively affect my daughter. This was my chance to leave something BIG for her and BE something big for me. This was my chance. I’m not selling Mary Kay. I’m selling hope for her, for me, and for the thousands of other women like me. I’m empowering women that deserve more in this world and are searching for a soapbox that will allow them to speak uninterrupted. I’m offering choices to women who want to be brave like me.
Tonight I could feel that fear creeping up again. It was trying to rip me apart and jump on every self-perceived failure that has ever happened in my life. Tonight I asked it firmly to sit down and started to remind myself of who I am now. Brave, Powerful, Compassionate, Dedicated, Empowering, and a future Sales Director.
The best part about this? It sat down back in the depths of my soul where it belongs. #BecauseOfMKICan