(I apologize in advance to my non-parental friends. This is about kids so if you are queasy or bored with the subject, stop now or forever hold your peace.)
I was thinking about my post last night, long after I should have been asleep and I felt ashamed and confused. The latter emotion isn’t abnormal but the former was a little concerning. I was struggling to figure out why being a stay at home Mom is so difficult for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love watching my little girl grow up but I’m drowning in bottles and nanas. I always thought that staying at home with my baby would be so great, I would be the June Cleaver of the millenials and it would all be perfect.
Wrong. So wrong. There are days when I’m lucky if I shower, and am able to sit down and focus on things that make me feel like myself again. By the time the end of the day rolls around and it’s time to make dinner, all I want to do is curl up in bed. I felt BAD about this. I felt guilty about my inability to do the one thing for which I thought I would truly have a gift. Then I stopped and thought about it. My whole life everything has been measurable and tangible. If you did your homework, you received good grades. If you went to work and did your job, (normally) you received a paycheck. If you communicated with others, you had successful relationships. (Still following me? Good.)
Motherhood, specifically stay-at-home motherhood is probably one of the least tangible, measurable jobs that exists. This may be a selfish statement but it’s true. I can tell you that my daughter is happy and healthy and that’s hugely important and satisfying but somedays, it’s hard to get the big picture where you feel like there’s no end time. My job as a mom is 24/7. After she’s in bed, there’s still laundry to be done, bottles to be washed and filled, usually dinner to be cleaned up and that’s under the assumption that she napped and I was able to get cleaning done then. I’m not saying my life is horrible. Contrary to what this entry sounds like, I’m merely wondering if I’m the only one who feels this way. I suspect that as more of my friends find their way down the same path, I won’t be the only one.
So what do I as a millennial mother do? I wait patiently (or maybe not so patiently) for others to come my way. I know that this phase is temporary and I just have to keep reminding myself that my daughter needs someone who’s well rounded. How do I translate the big picture into something smaller so that I can remind myself daily? That is the big question. Child rearing is a marathon, certainly not a sprint and anyone that considers it to be the latter should have their parenting privileges revoked. Oh and on a side note, the technology that has created us as a generation and our expectation that everything be delivered right this very second hasn’t helped my notion of feeling lost in all this.
I guess that’s what my point is – as millennials we need to understand that the best things take time to grow. The best things aren’t delivered instantly. There’s a quote that floats around on Facebook (yes, another reference, Mark Zuckerburg should hire me to do PR) that says “God only has 3 answers; not yet, yes, or I have something better in mind.” In other words… BE PATIENT.
Ok, well if you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading and I appreciate any feedback you have on the subject. If you’re a mother and you’re a millennial, how have you coped with this or have you not felt this way at all and think I’m just crazy? Let me know!